The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
Why I Know So Much About Spiritual Abuse
I talk about spiritual abuse a lot because it happens a lot. The ignorance around spiritual abuse allows it to flourish. Like a disease: if you don’t believe it exists or is exaggerated then it will continue to kill people and eventually you. I know about spiritual abuse for two reasons: I inflicted it as a pastor. I received it as a follower. The temptation for any person with power to use shame, fear, and intimidation to achieve their goals is high. I’m not just talking about pastors. I’m also talking about bosses, teachers, coaches, parents, etc. A preacher says to his people, “He is the potter. You are the clay. And I am the potter’s hands!” I learned simultaneously that using shame, fear, and intimidation to get what I wanted from my kids and using these to get what I wanted from my parishioners was the same impulse and was harmful, abusive, and unproductive. Look: I was TRAINED to spiritually abuse! Not only by my upbringing, my role models, my church and pastors, but by my studies in theology and pastoral ministry. It’s everywhere. Even my own parishioners INVITED me to abuse them from the pulpit. They said they enjoyed being brow-beaten by the Bible! Do you know why? Because feeling guilty then repenting feels better and happens faster than actually changing. It was around this same time that I realized how pervasive abuse is. It’s insidiously ingrained in all kinds of institutions, organizations, communities, and relationships. So I decided to change as a pastor, a parent, and a person.And I radically transformed my life and ministry from then on. This is why I talk about spiritual abuse so much. Resources on Spiritual Abuse Here are a list of other blog posts I've written on Spiritual Abuse. What is Spiritual Abuse? And how to recognize when it is happening to you. 5 Steps to Recover from Spiritual Abuse 10 Questions You Can Ask A Church To See If It's Spiritually Abusive
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Why Growing Spiritually Can Mean Disappointing People
Why do we struggle with disappointing people? A necessary part of spiritual growth is knowing you will disappoint people. Which means you will fail their expectations. The Church taught me that I should never cause people to stumble. It’s okay to disappoint the world. Just don’t disappoint the Church and those in authority. But that thought invaded every part of my life. I never really disappointed my parents.I never really disappointed the Church.I never disappointed anybody I couldn’t disappoint them. I struggled with the idea of failing anyone, in any small way, even at the cost of myself. I placed everyone first and placed myself last, thinking it was a spiritually sound way of operating. Why is disappointing people important for spiritual growth? I started disappointing others when I was 27. A spiritual crisis changed me. I knew I was going to disappoint their hopes for me. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to take care of myself first. Allowing disappointment in my life also opened the door for me to grow outside of their expectations for me. I committed myself to personal transformation. I stopped disappointing myself rather than others. When you decide to be true to yourself, you’re going to disappoint people, especially the ones who care about you. You must commit to authenticity and the change this requires. Then you must accept that this will disappoint others. Your commitment to yourself may threaten relationships you care about because you’ve let go of the people-pleasing, peace-making side of you. When someone says, “I’m disappointed in you!”, just know it is their problem and they’re trying to make it yours by asking you to fall back in line. They’d rather you do the work to change back than them do the work to change forward. Why can spiritual growth lead to disappointing people? Spiritual growth can mean you grow outside of the boxes people put you in. You change from who they thought you were, or wanted you to be. Their disappointment is based on an illusion anyway. It was not the real you. Their expectations are their hopes and fantasies for you, that they projected. These really have nothing to do with you, but with them. Maybe this will help some of you: in the gospel narratives we see that Jesus made a career of disappointing people. Not because he wanted to but because he had a higher calling than theirs to fulfill for himself. Commit to change. You will disappoint others.But you won’t disappoint yourself. And that's what ultimately matters!
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Leaving The Church and Shedding Shame
When I left the church in 2010 there was a feeling of ostracizing myself, alienating myself, separating myself, removing myself. I was now outside the organized church and it was my fault. I made an important choice that was very public. I was the one who left. This was my doing. Yes, the situation had come to the point where it was unbearable and impossible for me to stay. But it was still me who left. Description: A woman leaves a church. The pastor says, “Shame on you for leaving!” She replies, “No! I’m done with shame. Which is why I’m leaving!” When I left the church in 2010 there was a feeling of ostracizing myself, alienating myself, separating myself, removing myself. I was now outside the organized church and it was my fault. I made an important choice that was very public. I was the one who left. This was my doing. Yes, the situation had come to the point where it was unbearable and impossible for me to stay. But it was still me who left. But along with this feeling I noticed something else happening. I noticed that the feeling of being disqualified, invalid, illegitimate, even ashamed, tried to creep in. Not only did I leave. I felt people expected me to be humiliated for leaving. Ashamed. People were even embarrassed FOR me. Remember, I not only left the church. I also left the ministry. But, I immediately knew that this feeling was wrong and unnecessary. Here’s an analogy: I am a Canadian living in Canada. Even if I travel to Australia, I’m still a Canadian. Even if I move to Mozambique for the rest of my life, I am still a Canadian. I am no less valid a Canadian no matter where I am than the little old lady who never leaves Small Town, New Brunswick, Canada. My point is: Remember who you are. You are not disqualified. Don’t be ashamed. You are okay just as you are where you are. Be courageous and confident because you carry your identity with you. You haven’t left you behind. You’ve only left that which tried to limit, destroy, and shame you. Be done with shame!
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Why We Hide Our Pain (And What Happens When We Do)
We all carry pain, but so much of it stays hidden. Like an iceberg, only a fraction is visible—the rest lies beneath the surface, unseen and unspoken. Why do we do this? Why do we hide our pain, even when it’s crushing us? As a pastor, I’ve sat with countless people who smiled on the outside but were breaking on the inside. They were experts at keeping their pain a secret, but the cost was immense: isolation, loneliness, and a lack of support. So, why do we hide our pain? And what would happen if we stopped? Here’s a list of possibilities. Maybe one of them is why you hide yours. Maybe all ten. Tell me why you hide your pain in the comments. At the end I’ll tell you the main reason I hide my pain. You are ashamed because you think it makes you look weak. You don’t want people to think you aren’t getting over it fast enough. You don’t want to be a downer to those around you. You doubt anyone will understand. You can’t find a good listener. You want to share without people trying to rescue or fix you. You are upset by your own complicity in the cause of your pain. You don’t want to be accused of complaining, whining, or being bitter. You know that people are dismissive of pain that’s invisible. You yourself deny, devalue, or dismiss your own pain. Hiding our pain might feel safe, but it keeps us isolated. What if, instead of burying it, we dared to share it? What if we allowed ourselves to be seen, not as weak, but as human? Your pain matters. You matter. Let’s start the conversation. Okay. I’ll go first. The main reason I hide my pain is #1. I don’t like looking weak.You? Why Is It Important To Be Vulnerable? Vulnerability is not a weakness—it’s a profound strength. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we break down the walls that keep us isolated and disconnected. It’s through vulnerability that we heal from past wounds, confront our fears, and grow into our most authentic selves. For those healing from religious trauma, vulnerability is especially powerful—it allows us to share our stories, release shame, and rebuild our sense of self. By opening up about our pain and doubts, we create space for connection, understanding, and healing.
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How to sneakily let everyone know where you are spiritually
I forget how scary it was for me when I started exposing my changing beliefs online. I remember the first time I shared a cartoon that felt deeply personal; my heart raced, and I wondered how my friends and family would react. My cartoons were a subversive way to reveal myself and challenge the status quo. Over time, I realized that this fear was a shared experience. Many people have reached out to me, expressing their own fears of sharing their beliefs publicly. Cartoon Description: A man and a woman are at a table with their coffee and tea, their phones, and their laptops. The man says, "I need a quick and easy way to let people know I don't believe the same things anymore." She responds, "You could share a nakedpastor cartoon." But here’s the thing: sharing my work not only helped me feel seen but also connected me with others who felt the same way. I’ve heard from individuals who have used my cartoons as a gentle way to signal their spiritual shifts to family and friends. It’s incredible to see how art can bridge those gaps and foster understanding. So, if you’re feeling apprehensive about sharing your own journey, remember that you’re not alone. Embracing vulnerability can be a powerful step in your journey. I encourage you to embrace your truth and share my cartoons far and wide. Together, we can create a space where it’s safe to explore our beliefs openly.
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Why We Need Your Authentic Voice
This young woman is not wrong. She’s about to post something real, authentic, and honest about herself. So she’s going to upset people. Maybe even friends. Maybe even family. As she posts on her phone, she thinks, “I know I’m going to get attacked for this but I’m done hiding!” I’m so thankful to you for not hiding. Otherwise, how would I see you, know you, love you? Some argue that we aren’t our true selves online. We only present what we want others to see. True. But sometimes we do reveal some very real aspects of our truest selves. Sometimes our authenticity, transparency, vulnerability, and honesty leaks out and shines through for others to see. Sometimes we expose our wisdom and love. I know what it means to express myself online and get attacked for it. However, every time I post something I’m aware that I’m revealing myself to compassionate and caring and hurting and struggling and inquisitive people who appreciate it. But I’m also aware that I’m also standing myself up against a wall before a firing squad of bullies. This is always the case. You know this. But you go ahead and give us what you got anyway. It’s diversity that makes the world a more beautiful place. I really do appreciate your contribution to this diversity. I assume that you are amazing, interesting, and have what it takes to make the world a more beautiful place. And when you take the risk and reveal this about yourself, I celebrate you. Hey, sometimes it’s wise to hide. But not forever! You are a bright light. Thank you for shining for yourself, for me, and for the rest of us. Thank you for not hiding. I love you my friends.
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WHEN YOU OFFEND PEOPLE WITH YOUR FREEDOM
Description: A woman joyfully dances outside a cage while a man inside the cage angrily says, "I find your freedom offensive!" WHEN YOU OFFEND PEOPLE WITH YOUR FREEDOM When you're free you can't be controlled. Some people want to control you to use you.Others want to control you because they care for you. To break away and become free and independent will freak both of them out. But you must do it if you want to experience true joy. Are you free? I believe you are. What's holding you back from living free? It could be your fear of offending others... something you were taught you must never do. But haven't you noticed that the freest people are the most offensive to those who wish to control or enslave them? You have a choice: enslave yourself to the sensitivities of others or walk into your freedom. Either be offensive or the offended. Which one do you choose?
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Criticisms You May Face When Going Through A Change In Your Beliefs
When you are questioning and changing your beliefs and people find out... and they eventually will... you will hear all kinds of things. A woman with her head on the table obviously distressed. Around her are a bunch of words, like, "When did you decide to change?" "I can't believe you think that!" "Sin!" "It's because of who you hang out with!" "What do your parents think?" and so on. I think they can all be summed up in one opinion: "This shouldn't be happening to you, and you are weak for letting it!" You will be accused of anything from heresy, backsliding, doubt, weakness, conforming to the world, having the wrong friends, disrespecting your parents, rejecting Jesus, dishonoring God, deception, and more. It will all be motivated by alarm, fear, anger, pity, and frustration with the inability to control you. But remember: you are growing, and that's challenging to do in a herd.
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A Tribute To A Friend Who Passed Away
My friend Steve Austin died last weekend from suicide. He was commissioning me to do some cartoons to illustrate his newest book. This one, "Let's Get Vulnerable", was the first one he approved. He loved it. I loved Steve. He was so kind, caring, affectionate, and encouraging. He helped so many of us feel better about ourselves. He was truly a good man. Vulnerability Cartoon Description: A pastor stand before his congregation. Everyone is wearing a happy-face mask, including him. He says, "I want you all to feel free to get really vulnerable with each other." I lost a brother to suicide a few years ago. I miss Mark every day. And every death by suicide reminds me... personally... of how important it is for me to love everyone in my life all of the time, to reach out if I'm wondering, and to provide unquestioning support because we never always know what they're going through. Yes, let's get vulnerable. And let's mean it. Bye Steve.
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