The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
Do Not Forsake the Assembling of Yourselves Together
Description: A woman writes “Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together (unless they treat you like sh*t!) DO NOT FORSAKE THE ASSEMBLING OF YOURSELVES TOGETHER Some suggest Hebrews, where this verse is found, was written by a woman. So I entertained that idea in this cartoon. It’s interesting to me that this one verse is the only one employed to demand that we should never stop attending church. There are more scriptures telling us more clearly that we shouldn’t eat shrimp than there are telling us to keep going to church. It’s also interesting to me, whether or not you use scriptures to inform your life, that they are chock full of stories of people who liberated themselves from oppressive, abusive, and undesirable situations. And these stories mean to inspire us to do the same. There are other reasons to stop going to church, like abuse, boredom, bad theology, irrelevance, coercion, manipulation, control, awkwardness, or even just, “No particular reason. I just don’t want to go anymore.” Even the verse in Luke where we’re told Jesus went to synagogue, as was his custom. Why’d Luke say that? Wasn’t that the custom of most Jews of his day? Maybe the emphasis is on “was”. Because later in his life we know, especially from the gospel of Mark, that Jesus avoided crowds and towns and preferred the wilderness where the crowds dwindled. In any case, in my opinion, you don’t need a good reason not to go to church. It could just be your preference or out of necessity. To me it doesn’t matter. Church-centric people disagree. Of course. Because this snatches the Church’s power over your life out of its hands and into yours. Where it should be.
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How We Deconstructed Our Beliefs with Our Kids
I’m asked how we deconstructed in front of our kids. Deconstruction isn’t an event. It’s an ongoing process. It’s living a life committed to constantly questioning and dismantling our conditioning. So our kids never witnessed us freaking out about beliefs. Instead, what they saw, and still see, are adults committed to growth. They saw people curious about what was true and fearless to pursue it. They watched us develop, progress, and grow. Description: A mom and dad are with their son. She says, “Honey, daddy and I are questioning our beliefs.” He responds, “Well, it’s about time!” If you think you need to bequeath to your children a solid belief system, forsake that notion now. Would you do that to yourself? No! Don’t do it to them either. Like a good teacher, we don’t just teach the what, we teach the how. Not “know this” but “find out”. The best teachers teach us how to learn, not what to know. So, good parents don’t teach children how to be mini-me's but how to be their own, autonomous, independent selves. They encourage their children to find out their own way of being themselves, including their own way of being spiritual. When our kids saw Lisa and I argue, we also let them see us make up. We lived openly, transparently, and honestly, so our kids would learn valuable skills on how to be authentic people in a relationship with another authentic person who was always growing. We let them see us doubt, question, explore, and discover. And we talked about it openly. Why? So that they wouldn’t be afraid of change and avoid it but invite it and choose it as a lifestyle. Change in front of your kids! Then watch them change in front of you! If you'd like to know more about deconstructing in front of your kids watch this youtube video.
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Don't Believe the Limiting Beliefs of Others
It’s one thing to overcome your own limiting beliefs about yourself.It’s another to overcome the limiting beliefs others have about you. When I left the ministry in 2010 that I had a lot to learn about myself… my gifts, my skills, my talents, my creativity, my business acumen and money smarts. It was like the university of life. I had to adapt quickly to the real world. I had to deal with my inner demons, voices, and the limiting beliefs about myself in order to graduate. But I did! However, I still have to deal with the limiting beliefs of others. No matter how self-aware or confident you are, there will always be others who will try to pull you down. For me it’s been going on a long time and I predict it will never end. My High School guidance counselor told me to get a job because I wouldn’t succeed in higher education. So I got my B.A. and then honors in my Masters, another degree in Religion and Ministry and more. I was told that I wouldn’t do well in ministry. So I pastored many churches and planted two brand new churches. When I left the ministry I was told I would disappear and my ministry was over. Instead I’ve grown nakedpastor so that it’s known around the world and my “ministry” helps thousands of people every day around the globe every day. I’m doing what many told me is impossible. And I’m not done yet! Neither are you! Not only can you swim. You can fly!
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Why Growing Spiritually Can Mean Disappointing People
Why do we struggle with disappointing people? A necessary part of spiritual growth is knowing you will disappoint people. Which means you will fail their expectations. The Church taught me that I should never cause people to stumble. It’s okay to disappoint the world. Just don’t disappoint the Church and those in authority. But that thought invaded every part of my life. I never really disappointed my parents.I never really disappointed the Church.I never disappointed anybody I couldn’t disappoint them. I struggled with the idea of failing anyone, in any small way, even at the cost of myself. I placed everyone first and placed myself last, thinking it was a spiritually sound way of operating. Why is disappointing people important for spiritual growth? I started disappointing others when I was 27. A spiritual crisis changed me. I knew I was going to disappoint their hopes for me. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to take care of myself first. Allowing disappointment in my life also opened the door for me to grow outside of their expectations for me. I committed myself to personal transformation. I stopped disappointing myself rather than others. When you decide to be true to yourself, you’re going to disappoint people, especially the ones who care about you. You must commit to authenticity and the change this requires. Then you must accept that this will disappoint others. Your commitment to yourself may threaten relationships you care about because you’ve let go of the people-pleasing, peace-making side of you. When someone says, “I’m disappointed in you!”, just know it is their problem and they’re trying to make it yours by asking you to fall back in line. They’d rather you do the work to change back than them do the work to change forward. Why can spiritual growth lead to disappointing people? Spiritual growth can mean you grow outside of the boxes people put you in. You change from who they thought you were, or wanted you to be. Their disappointment is based on an illusion anyway. It was not the real you. Their expectations are their hopes and fantasies for you, that they projected. These really have nothing to do with you, but with them. Maybe this will help some of you: in the gospel narratives we see that Jesus made a career of disappointing people. Not because he wanted to but because he had a higher calling than theirs to fulfill for himself. Commit to change. You will disappoint others.But you won’t disappoint yourself. And that's what ultimately matters!
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Embracing Our Childhood Beliefs with Gratitude Not Judgement
I hardly quote scripture but I am because I hope it will help you. Paul says, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child. I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we only see a reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” I still love this passage because it’s embedded in the “love chapter”, 1 Corinthians 13. The rest says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” The lesson was all about love, that we grow from a childish idea and expression of love to a mature one. A man is chained to a ball that says, “Things I believed as a child.” This is also about a big love, an epic universal love that includes me and invites me to participate in it, a love that knows me and loves me fully, a kind of love where I know all and I love all. You can’t seem to shake the things you believed as a child? Don’t worry. They’re part of your story. They are the earliest chapters of your life book and can’t be removed or you wouldn’t make sense. Love it all! Lovingly fold it into who you are and say no I don’t believe that anymore but I did and it helped me become who I am today and I’m grateful. Because all of me is loved.And I love all!
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The Journey of Letting Go of Religious Dogma
In every area of your life you’re allowed to realize that something you believe to be true actually isn’t. Then you’re allowed to let that belief go. You did that with monsters under your bed.You did that with Santa Claus (sorry if you’re just learning this now).You did that with your parents being perfect.You did that with your first love.And so on and so on. What happened was fact won over fantasy. You learned that monsters are a figment of your imagination. You learned that Santa Claus was your mom and dad.You learned that your parents have struggles just like everyone else.You learned that you can be betrayed by someone you love. Reality always wins. But… you’re never allowed to do that with your religious beliefs. No matter how much evidence comes in to the contrary, you are faithless if you stop believing certain things. (Click on the image for a digital download of it.) Description: A bowling ball labelled "Reality/Truth" crashes into bowling pins labeled "Some Preciously Held Beliefs". You are shamed and made to feel guilty if you say, “I don’t think I can believe that anymore!” Many people experience religious trauma when they experience the changing of their religious beliefs. It's not easy. Have you ever been called a Doubting Thomas? There are a lot of things I no longer believe. Especially those beliefs that support the power of the Church, its leaders, and the success of its agenda. Question everything. Living in reality is better than living in constant cognitive dissonance. In fact, it is a happier place because your mind is more at peace. You want peace of mind, don’t you? Then take a deep breath, trust yourself, and take authority over your own life.
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Navigating Deconstruction: A Lifelong Journey of Self-Discovery
You are deconstructing because you are a pioneer of your inner frontier. Once you begin exploring yourself you realize that you will always be a pioneer because your inner frontier forever spreads out before you. Some believe that deconstruction is like radical surgery where parts are lopped off and parts are sewn on so that you can live your new spiritual life without the bad beliefs. A woman asks a question mark, “Will you marry me?” Others believe that deconstruction is a difficult but amiable adjustment in beliefs to a more liberal, progressive, and open theology. Still others believe that it is a deconversion process that ends up in atheism or another more suitable spiritual expression. I believe that deconstruction is a way of life. It’s because it’s a new way of thinking. Your deconstruction is not a mistake. You are not backsliding. You are not rejecting God. You are not giving up. You are not stuck. It is the natural progression of your spiritual (inner) growth. What is deconstruction at its essence? I claim it is you doubting and questioning your conditioning. You’ve been conditioned to believe in certain things and behave in certain ways. You must always question this. You must always question the conditioning you are constantly bombarded with. You must always doubt what you’re told to believe and how to behave. This explains why some people wonder why you are stuck deconstructing. They think you need to just get over it and move on. They don’t realize you’ve embarked on a pilgrimage of personal growth. From beginning to end you are on a journey of integration and individuation. This should never end. Because deconstruction is a way of life!
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Criticisms You May Face When Going Through A Change In Your Beliefs
When you are questioning and changing your beliefs and people find out... and they eventually will... you will hear all kinds of things. A woman with her head on the table obviously distressed. Around her are a bunch of words, like, "When did you decide to change?" "I can't believe you think that!" "Sin!" "It's because of who you hang out with!" "What do your parents think?" and so on. I think they can all be summed up in one opinion: "This shouldn't be happening to you, and you are weak for letting it!" You will be accused of anything from heresy, backsliding, doubt, weakness, conforming to the world, having the wrong friends, disrespecting your parents, rejecting Jesus, dishonoring God, deception, and more. It will all be motivated by alarm, fear, anger, pity, and frustration with the inability to control you. But remember: you are growing, and that's challenging to do in a herd.
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YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM OF THE DECONSTRUCTION OF YOUR BELIEFS
YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM OF THE DECONSTRUCTION OF YOUR BELIEFS I drew this with pen and ink on paper. The original and prints of this are in my store as “I Am Not a Victim”. Like many of us, I grew up in a religious culture that blames bad things on either Satan, the world, or our sinful selves. Including the deconstruction of our beliefs. It’s proof that Satan deceived us, that we’re becoming like the world, and that we’ve fallen into sin. What if, instead, we view it like I think we should: as growth?! Some thoughts: 1. Take Agency: You are responsible for this. It’s because somewhere deep down inside of you a pressure was building to grow, to be free, and to live your own spiritual life as you want. There’s a desire, drive and destiny within you to live your own authentic self. This isn’t happening to you. You’re doing it to you and for you! 2. Take Comfort: This is a good thing! This is a necessary part of the process for getting from your small self to your large self. Instead of climbing the mountains of Tibet or wandering the deserts of Egypt or searching the jungles of Nepal for a guru, you are a pioneer searching for your own home within yourself. You will find it because you are your own guru! 3. Take Courage: So don’t be afraid. Like any journey of adventure, there are dark valleys, dense forests and wild animals. You will encounter fear, without which courage cannot exist. You will encounter darkness, without which light cannot shine. And you will encounter opposition, without which you cannot be sharpened into your best and most authentic self. You are not a victim. This is you. Own it with confidence, joy, and courage.
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