The Naked Journal
Thoughts, musings, and meanings behind NakedPastor Art.
The Naked Journal
Why I Adore Our Diverse and Free Community
The deep end of love and why I love this community. It goes without saying that this has been one crazy year. But one of the great things from 2020 is how the NakedPastor community is developing. I love us so so much, and I want you to know the reasons why. We are unique. There’s no one like us. Really. We are free and learning together how to live accordingly. We are open, expressing ourselves in vulnerable and honest ways. We are diverse. There are all kinds of us and I think it’s amazing. We are spread across the belief spectrum from atheist to believer. We are respectful of both faith and doubt because these are processes. We are agreed that we should keep this space as safe as possible. We are all allowed to use our voice (except those who try to silence ours). We are supportive of one another as we've experienced in our discussions. We are incredible human beings who want to love and be loved. It just proves to me all over again, like in the last church I pastored, that if you cultivate authentic community, you will indeed experience it and enjoy it. And this is what we’re doing. Which is why I love us.Which is why I love you! Let’s all hope together that 2021 is a better year. I really do love you all, and I can feel your love for me. Thanks so much, beloved, for hanging out with me and with the NakedPastor community.
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Things I Would Say to People Who Are Deconstructing Their Beliefs
It’s often traumatic to deconstruct your beliefs. Here’s some comfort. Don’t worry about the past, the future, or the present. You may have regret or shame for how you believed and behaved in the religious culture you were deeply enmeshed in. Accept your roots and integrate the earlier chapters of your life into your present self. This is not to say you must believe or excuse your earlier beliefs. You just learn to write the past into your story. You wouldn’t be who you are now unless you were who you were then. Like an alchemist, transmute the dross of your past life into the gold of your present one. Don’t worry about the future. There’s no condemnation, judgment or punishment for questioning, changing, or losing your beliefs. Just like I would never reject my children for believing differently than I, neither do we live in a vengeful universe that retaliates for a different wisdom sought with integrity. Relax. Be at peace. Do not fear. It is well. Don’t worry about the present. You’re now liberated from a life of constant monitoring and measuring. You’re free to be here now. Space and time are concepts; we live in an infinite chain of “now”s. All you have is now. This is the fulness of time, the infinite and the eternal, and you can be in it just as you are, authentically, honestly, vulnerably, and joyfully, right now. You are not alone.You are not crazy.You are not backsliding.You are growing.As you should.Enjoy it.And love yourself for it.I do.
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Deconstruction: Then and Now
My Journey of Deconstruction. How it started: A snake-like question mark sits on a bed scaring a man under the covers. Next frame, the man and question mark are arm in arm, in love. There are questions that are permissible. These questions confirm and sustain the system. Q: "How did God create the world in six days?" A: "Because God is omnipotent!" Q: "Can you explain the Trinity to me?" A: "Like an egg... white, yoke, and shell!" Q: "How can I get to Heaven?"A: "Repent of your sins and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord!" Then there are questions that are forbidden. These questions may challenge and undermine the system. Questions like: "What if we've got it all wrong and we're cooperating in a grand delusion?""If there's no proof of God, why do we act as if there is?""Could Christianity be like other religions... an attempt to apprehend and articulate reality codified in scripture and organized as an institution?" Existential questions are scary. But when you finally see that we all live within one reality and that our various and diverse ideas and explanations about this reality are just thoughts and words spinning around this one reality, then you may feel less threatened by these questions. In fact, they may become intriguing to you. You may even fall in love with them. You might even move in together and live happily ever after!
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Recognizing The Changes Associated With Shifts Your Beliefs
We all unravel our beliefs in our own way. That's why I champion spiritual independence. Focus on being yourself and find your own path. A man on a couch depressed. His wife on the phone: “Sorry, he can’t come to the phone right now. He’s losing his religion.” Mental, emotional and social symptoms you may experience when Mental Changes Deconstruction usually starts in the mind, often initiated by trauma: an event that provokes doubt. It can be as simple as questioning the Bible, or the loss of a loved one that makes you question a caring God, or frustrating experiences in the Church or with religious people. A Doubt Virus lodges in your fevered brain that spreads, overtaking your certainty. Confusion sets in. Emotional Changes When you’re immersed in a religious culture but start questioning it, you experience withdrawal and grief. You may feel a mixture of sadness at the prospect of loss and elation at the hope of freedom. Confusion creates stress that you feel in our body. You’re stuck between sadness and joy, conflict and peace, control and freedom. You count the cost of taking the next step because the risk feels high. Social Changes You’ve become suspicious about submitting to authority and believing ideas unquestionably. You know you’re in for a bumpy ride as you contemplate breaking away from the Church, its leaders, and your peer group (family and friends), all of whom perpetually monitor you. You know if you take a stand for your spiritual independence you may find yourself all alone. Your social life will change. But have hope! Because I know you will progress beyond confusion to peace of mind.You will finally feel authentically you, happy and free.And you’ll learn how to navigate your present relationships and form new and healthier ones.
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The Journey of Changing Beliefs
I talk about deconstruction: the changing of beliefs, the feeling of the loss of faith, leaving the church, and spiritual confusion. This is growth. And it hurts. Many challenge my idea of deconstruction, insisting that we must believe something. They say deconstruction means the rejection of wrong beliefs to make space for correct beliefs. No! The healthiest deconstruction is not just the questioning of beliefs, but of belief itself. Cartoon description: A man is building a house upon sand. Jesus asks him, “Why are you rebuilding your house upon sand again?” The man responds, “This is new and improved sand!” In 2009 this dawned on me. My lifelong struggle with beliefs, trying to figure things out and believe correct theological thoughts, suddenly came to an abrupt end, followed by a peace of mind that has never left, but stayed. I saw that it wasn’t my beliefs that were the problem, but belief itself! Beliefs are thoughts we are attached to. When we see this, our suffering ends. I know this is difficult and scary, because I’ve been there. Deconstruction is about tearing down not just beliefs but our conditioning… the way we’ve been taught and trained to believe. When we complete this excruciating process, we are left with space. Openness. Freedom. We are left with What Is. Reality. Truth. Being. What we must not do is adopt or construct another system of belief. I see many do this, assuming they’ve found or are building a new and improved theology. But I guarantee you that eventually this too will need deconstructing. Why not be happy with the space, the openness, the unknowing, the Mystery? This is where your peace of mind awaits.Don’t rebuild on sand.You are free! It took me years to deconstruct. Like…YEARS. You deserve to deconstruct safely and with as much support as possible so I've decided to share my deconstruction course for free on Youtube. You can watch all the videos now starting with this one.
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Jesus as the Embodiment of Deconstruction
Whether you believe in the historical Jesus or the Savior Jesus or not, we can glean plenty of insights from the gospels’ depiction of him. A man begs Jesus: "Jesus! My beliefs are changing. I have tons of questions and feel like I'm losing my faith. I'm afraid I'm deconstructing. Please help me!" Jesus replies, "But I AM deconstruction!" Here are a few things we can discern: He challenged the accepted idea of righteousness.He challenged the accepted idea of family.He challenged the accepted idea of who’s in and who’s out.He challenged the accepted idea of who is loved.He challenged the accepted idea of societal norms.He challenged the accepted idea of justice.He challenged the accepted idea of authority.He challenged the accepted idea of fellowship.He challenged the accepted idea of illness and disability.He challenged the accepted idea of demons.He challenged the accepted idea of women.He challenged the accepted idea of foreigners.He challenged the accepted idea of enemy.He challenged the accepted idea of what it means to be religious.He challenged the accepted idea of prayer.He challenged the accepted idea of scripture.He challenged the accepted idea of life after death.He challenged the accepted idea of ageism.He challenged the accepted idea of what it means to be wise.He challenged the accepted idea of nationalism.He challenged the accepted idea of economics. I could go on. Jesus challenged the accepted idea of pretty much everything. This is just from the gospel accounts. It can’t be avoided: everything must be questioned. Like I said, whether you believe in the historical Jesus or the Savior Jesus or not, the Jesus of the gospels IS deconstruction.
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Why I Advocate For Swearing During Your Deconstruction Of Faith
Description: A boy says to his mom, “Mom, since we stopped going to church you’ve gotten really good at swearing!” 1. Release: Swearing releases. Venting emotions by swearing can be effective and safe. Research shows it even decreases pain. 2. Freedom: When we leave controlling cultures, swearing is an easy expression of our freedom. Liberated from a culture where even our words are policed, swearing is a declaration of our independence. 3. Adulting: This is how many adults talk. We swear because we can. It’s everyday speech. Some swear a lot. Others less. Some judge people who swear as stupid and lazy. But I know intelligent people who swear and less intelligent people who don’t. 4. Word: Sometimes no word expresses what we want better than a swear word. Other words fail to convey our thoughts or feelings. 5. Humor: Swearing can be comic relief. It can lighten things up in humorous ways. Watching a guru swear is just funny. We appreciate comic relief in the middle of crises. 6. Spirituality: Jesus did the equivalent of swearing by calling his opponents names and telling them to do this or that. We’ve sanitized spirituality to where we’re no longer human. Swearing is an expression of flesh and blood people rather than disembodied spirits. Why police our words? Sure, I want to say things that are helpful, honest, and true. I want to speak in ways that build up the good and bring down the bad. But if swearing helps me do that, I will. Out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks. Swearing can be a healthy part of that process.
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Sex With Your Deconstructing Partner
We were young Pentecostals madly in love when we got married. I remember the moment I first laid eyes on her. I wasn't drawn to her beliefs. What I first noticed was her beauty. Then, when I got to know her, I fell in love with her person. She fell in love with me. Never did we explore one another's beliefs. Years later, when we started deconstructing our beliefs, we had to figure something out fast! Description: A couple in bed. The husband says to his wife, "The bible compares the relationship between a husband and his wife to the relationship between Christ and his Church but since you're deconstructing your beliefs you're nothing like the Church and how can I have sex with that?" When our beliefs changed, we feared we were losing an important ingredient in the glue that held us together. Then we recalled what originally attracted us to each other. It was our physical attraction. That hasn't changed. And it was our personalities. That hasn't changed. What I mean is I fell in love with the WAY Lisa thought, not with WHAT she thought. I fell in love with the person who manifests herself in all kinds of wondrous ways. I didn't fall in love with the manifestations. I fell in love with she who manifests them. Like the river in front of my house, I love the river, this river that is different every hour but is always the same river. I hope this guy in the cartoon figures out soon that he isn't having sex with her beliefs, but with her. I have a whole book on this topic, “Til Doubt Do Us Part: When Changing Beliefs Change Your Marriage” on Amazon & Kindle. Related Deconstruction Resources 5 Ways Religious Trauma Can Affect Your Sexuality (and how to heal)Can Your Marriage Survive Deconstruction?Navigating the Deconstruction Journey
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Asserting Your Privacy in Spiritual Exploration
I get a lot of private messages from people across all social media platforms. Consistently, they are struggling with deconstruction. But not just deconstruction in general. I’m finding the main struggle is how to go through their spiritual exploration in front of family, friends, community, whomever. Many feel they need to know what to say. Here’s what I told the last young woman who asked me for advice: Why explain yourself? Cartoon Description: Jesus says to a group "Their main frustration with me is they know they can't nail me down until they do it literally." Changing your beliefs and growing spiritually in front of others is hard.They always try to nail you down.You’re pressured to explain yourself. Here’s why: First of all, you might be experiencing a little hangover from your evangelistic days where you always had to give a reason for the hope that lies within you. You always had to be ready to testify and give your testimony. The pressure was constant to make your public statement of faith. Witness witness witness. Secondly, your spiritual journey is yours and no one else’s. They shouldn’t be asking you about your sex life either! Or your financial situation. Or your politics. It’s really none of their business. Your spiritual life is private. It will have visible manifestations. But what you believe or don’t believe is your concern, not theirs. Thirdly, do you go around asking people to explain themselves spiritually? Are you constantly assessing what people believe or don’t believe so that you can decide what to think about them or deal with them or relate to them? If you do, then there’s a little more work to do. But what I’ve seen is the deeper people go into deconstruction the less they care about the spiritual or religious affiliations people have and just mostly care about the quality of people they are. Like your spirituality is your business, their spirituality is theirs. You don’t ask because it feels invasive and rude. So you shouldn’t be asked either. If you do need something to say, here are a few responses I’ve given to people who’ve tried to corner me: Gentle Ones: “I don’t feel like talking about that now.” “I’m changing and don’t feel ready to share it.” “I’d rather not discuss it.” Firmer ones: “That’s none of your business.” “I have to go.” “I don’t talk about that with just anyone.” “I don’t believe that anymore.” You can just be you… and that doesn’t need explanation.
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